This isn't mine

Author’ Note:

                What do you reckon when you see this title, “This isn’t mine”? Yup! You've nailed it. This work does not belong to me, in the context of plagiarism, but in a lighter tone, this was greatly inspired from the work of Emma Donoghue’s The Room. I knew at the end of my work, I never did a justice, even in the process of lifting her style of writing. Perhaps it’s not fair (to compare!!!) to discuss such literary works in mine. So, I leave it to my loyal readers to comment on my work. Entire work has two parts (lullaby and requiem), which has contrasting tone (deliberate grammatical errors in lullaby part ) embedded to it and I guess I've finally made a blog that is honest and close to my heart.

Lullaby:

                This is how I sit, with my pencil inside the mouth and my tongue tasting the juice of it. The paper in front of me sits just like me, blank without a word, except my name on the top of it, Saranya. I'm Saranya, who often finds trouble in getting her name correct in the papers; so my amma came up with a brilliant idea of having it on my writing pad for exams. That’s how I don’t have a red mark drawn across the name by my miss. Now you can guess how stupid I'm and it will annoy you more if you know that, I'm into my second grade now. Every day my miss asks me a question, knowing that I don’t have an answer for her. She says, “I m good for nothing”. Perhaps, she doesn’t know, what I m good at.

                Now this paper is waiting for me to write down the answer for the question,”Uses of trees”. It took me whole evening to by heart the word ‘education’. The answer for this question has 11 lines (I always write it wrong- leven or elven!!!)  and more words that are longer than ‘education’. So I thought of doing something better than remembering all those lines, so I drew pictures of trees and a sun in orange color with crayons. I like crayons and colors that use water to mix, but my amma screams at me when I get the color in the fingers and on my face. She says, if it goes into my belly, I will fall ill and I need to see doctor uncle.

                 Doctor Uncle and his white place (everything is white there, walls, table, his dress and even his hair) scares me, but he gives me gems, every time I go there.  I always ask for the pink ones, because it makes my tongue pink in color. So my amma got me color pencils, but I always use crayons to color my trees. I showed my picture to my amma, she said trees shouldn’t be in blue color, but in TV they showed blue trees. When I asked her about that, she asked to me to study for the test. I was so sad that I had to take that long answer book again. I asked God to make the answer very small for me, but it was the same and I started to cry.

                I don’t know why my tears taste salty, when I asked my amma; she told me that God made it salty, so that we won’t cry to taste it.  I liked my tears and I was hungry. I went to the kitchen to look for amma and I found her cutting carrots. I put few of them in my mouth when she turned back.

“Don’t eat that without washing them, it has germs”

“I’ll drink some water after eating them, so that water will kill them in my belly. Amma! I m hungry can I have dosa”

“You can’t have dosa daily, kutty! I made upma today”

“I don’t like upma, it sticks to my teeth and not sweet”

“You can have upma in your new Mickey Mouse bowl”

                Today I liked upma because it was in my new bowl which had Mickey and Minnie Mouse stuck on it. Minnie Mouse was coloring its lips with a red crayon. I know my mom has a similar crayon in her table. I went to her room to get my lips colored, but I could not find it, she must have hid it somewhere. Outside it was black with little white stars all over the sky. Every day I tried to count them, I lose my count after 8. I don’t like when the sky goes black, because amma puts me to sleep and when I wake up, I have to go to school again. I m scared about the test tomorrow and my friends who would laugh at me when I don’t know say an answer.

                Amma says everything will be good tomorrow, if I sleep, so I jump in to my bed and pull my covers. I go into them and its dark, like the sky outside and now I remember the monster stories told by my friend. So I hold my covers tightly so that monsters can’t get inside them. Before the monsters came for me, my mom woke me up for the next day’s school. With my eyes opened a little, I brushed, tasting the paste and closed my Duckie’s (Duckie is my teddy bear) eyes when I was wearing my uniform. Amma told me that I had games period after my test, which made me happy and I smelled nice with Johnson baby powder.

                The test paper was still waiting for me to write. I prayed to God to put some words in it, I opened my eyes a little while praying, to see if God was writing in my paper. He never liked me, so he didn’t write. I want to write about my new Mickey Mouse bowl, but I don’t know what to write. So, I drew the trees and the sun. My miss started to get papers from every one, if she sees my paper, then she will show it to everyone. All my friends will laugh and I’ll cry again. This time God heard my prayers by the school bell, we all ran to the ground leaving our papers with her. Now its games period and I m so happy.

Requiem:

                Indeed it was a happy moment for Saranya, because she never realized, that she would experience a monster in reality. On the following day, Saranya was sodomized by her neighbor, in his home. The next morning, Saranya woke up from a nightmare, panting with beads of perspiration. She choked for words, to describe what her neighbor did to her. It was learnt that, the guy let her off, after the poor girl started to vomit.

The poor girl was lured with biscuits by her neighbor. She failed to see the sickness that was staring at her, in the name of cream biscuits. The little girl, who loved to paint, is now getting treated in a hospital, after which she has to undergo counseling sessions to get over her trauma. I’m not sure, if she would love gems again or watch stars in a cloudless night without any atavistic fears blinding her.

The lullaby part was a pure fiction of mine based on Saranya’s interests, as told by her mother. This was penned down out of spite, to showcase the disruption of a childhood. I don’t want to plead on the need for draconian laws, which in no way is going to bring Saranya’s lost dreams. She will never feel safe anywhere, having been destroyed at the hands, which were once considered haven. Now she sleeps in a hospital with her knees close to her small chest, breathing heavily and fear embracing her inside of a teddy bear. 

Beauty Queen

“This is a poem (hopefully it sounds like one, but it never follows the rules of a sonnet or ballad)of a girl who has been forced into prostitution by her mother. The girl depicts her horrific days and her menstrual cycle. I couldn’t resist myself from using the words ‘beauty queen & broken smile’- thank you- Maroon  It’s a shame to tag this as a tribute this to all women who trade their flesh, so it could be my *lullaby to you all”

*John-a slang refering to the customers who seek sexual pleasure in women

*lullaby- a soothing song to put a child to sleep

 *fille - french word for girl

This is my story,

a story devoid of fantasies,

but cloaked in robes of sorrow.

Story of unprecedented hatred

and confessions of a girl

Sitting in a lonely room

hugging my knees in desperation.

Staring the tulips across my window

a blanket of maroon petals, with their
heads down awaiting the dusk.

White linen barely covering

my feet; the finger nails manicured

with glossy pink to seduce punks

from neighborhood. A broken

smile basks my face fearing dusk

This is the story of

a beauty queen who is 17.

Memoirs of lost sleep and cut lip;
Mighty rewards from my voyeurs;
Story on this queen’s lost virginity.

Crooked under my princess bed,  

hiding and pleading my mom,

‘Not this time, mommy, No!!!’

Thunderous blow lands across

my face, leaving bruised cheek.

Bruises flag my face red, ceasing

the need to blush. But beads of blood

dot my skirt’s hem, marking

my menses. A much waited

vacation for this beauty queen.

This is a story of a girl

with a new identity- slut.

A new face with old scars,

A vacation with no *John’s thrusting,

but still this period hurts.

This excruciating pain pushes

myself into an oblivion, where

there are too many rainbows.
With my pain abating, I think
about my tomorrow as a whore.

In my low cut blouse and

cherry red lips to steal a glance.

Once again, I'm on roads

trying to find a John

who would hurt me less.

Companionship

“I m sitting in a bed with my back dropped and my head hanging down to stare at my empty palms. A pale blue linen barely covering my legs, I wonder how long I m like this.  The faint click of the clock’s needle could be heard distinctly due to the haunting silence that hangs in this room. The cot spits a squeaking sound when I tried to move. The room where my cot sits is nothing more than a void with walls trying to enclose.

The walls have a muddy wall paper that started cracking, indicating the need for a fresh paint. I lay there in my throne, chewing the leftovers in the plate. I missed to tell about the plate, the plate that is always full with things that I can barely much. The filing is always done by a woman in white. I don’t remember the last conversation with that woman, so no chance of me knowing her name.

What’s so important about the woman in white (WIW)? The bond between us is so tight, like the cloth she uses to fasten me to the cot. I don’t have the slightest idea why she does this? Probably my son would have advised her. Yes, my son who pays the WIW to clean my ass and keep me smelling like a new born.

My son never ditched me, perhaps moved me to a place where I could have more privacy. A place, where my daughter-in-law can’t complain about me. A void shared by me with plates, cot and the lone clock that hangs in the wall. I lay slumped, waiting for each day to roll by, without the slightest hint of what’s next in my kitty bag.

I m an old penny shelved in a chamber to be watched by visitors, which includes my son and grand children. Ouch!! My back hurts me, I have to lie down, please call WIW! “

The above speech belongs to a woman aged 72 living all alone in a room for 4 years. She can’t speak clearly due to Alzheimer’s – senile dementia. It affects memory, thinking, and behavior. In other words, the onset of childhood behavior when you days are numbered. The speech was reproduced without any modifications to portray the brutal reality and quest for seeking solace. Despite her son abandoning her, she hardly had any apathy towards him.

            She knew that she is alone waiting for her end, but still she gave me a smile when I consoled her not to worry. Before leaving I asked her, “What shall I get for you?” she replied, “Spend some time with me, son” Now, I had the answer for her quest – companionship!! 

Night of Broken Glass

                                                                    Berlin, November 10, 1938

The sky outside was dark with very little light and cold air blowing across the streets of Berlin. It was a not a good time to enjoy the early winter that was blooming in, or the pale brown leaves that has withered off, stripping the beautiful trees. The assassination of German embassy official Ernst vom Rath in Paris has evoked mixed responses among the German fraternity. Herschel Grynszpan , a Polish Jew shot the german diplomat in Paris, avenging his parents’ exile.  The streets were lined with mobs raising anti-jewish slogans marching towards Schoneberg, a small town in Berlin.

Schoneberg was the home for most German speaking Jews and Eva was one among them. Her skirt‘s cream color faded and was torn portraying the condition of their race. The thumping sound of her shoes reverberated room’s recess. A wooden tub brimming with hot water was held by Eva, to cleanse her ailing husband, Benny. The sight of Benny toiling at the hands of unknown fever made her lament and wail all day. They were left with rotten bread and rat eaten cheese to survive. It was a duel between the rats and the grief stricken Jews.

In the last couple of days, there was nothing they could find to abate their hunger. The fever was vigorous; creating shock waves in Eva’s mind. Very little strength was left in her to brood; all she could do to pacify Benny’s pain was to give a towel bath. Eve sat beside him, looking into Benny’s eyes. She couldn’t stand the sight of this, once joyous eyes that made her smile; ones that locked with her when they made love, was grim in the sockets.

Sudden burst of window panes shook Eva, there was a large piece of mortar on the wooden floor. Eva watched in horror, the mobs raiding Jewish homes, shoving the furniture to the streets and torching them. Fear and panic quickly arose in her, when a group of mob calling themselves as Hitler youth came running towards her home. The door of her home came in pieces, after a thunderous assault. German soldiers with swastika emblem embedded in their notorious black uniform were climbing the stairs. Eva knew that not much could be done; she just sat beside Benny, holding his arms.

Eva’s eyes had tears ebbing, with her voice strained to utter a word. The footsteps were echoing the walls, soon they would be here. She leaned towards Benny, when her lips moist with tears met Benny’s, gunshots in her room made her deaf almost. Three soldiers and a Storm Leader belonging to Schutzstaffel with MG-42’s hung to their shoulders walked in. Heinz Wagner, Storm Leader a thin man with the eyes of an eagle and nose of a fox slowly walked towards Benny. He pulled a chair towards Benny and Eva and sat across them.  He made a brief glance at Benny while stripping his gloves.

“Are we interrupting your romance my young lady?? “ said Wagner. “Gentlemen, lets witness a beautiful love story between Jewish pigs”

The soldiers laughed in mockery, while one of them was busy searching the drawers looking for valuables. He was pulling out the clothes out of the wardrobe and piling them in the floor.

Wagner had his hands hugging him, “It seems your husband is not strong enough to please you, in better words, comfort you. You can find solace in me.”  said Wagner.

Eva was furious with her blood shot eyes deprived of sleep, she sat on chair crossing her legs and twisting her palms. She watched Benny, as a tear drop ran across his pale cheek.

“Do you think your husband will disagree to this??? It’s disgusting to watch your husband like this!!!  Why don’t we send him to a beautiful place, so that we can have some fun? “ Wagner was stroking the bridge of his nose.

Eva raised her head, to say something, but she couldn’t utter a word because of her parched throat. She was weeping profoundly, knowing that soon both would be killed. All her dreams of a happy life in a distant place with beautiful landscapes were shattered.

“Such a beautiful lady shouldn’t cry. It’s time to say goodbye to him. Let’s make it neat and clean.” Said Wagner. He rose from his chair, took his Walther P 38 aiming at Benny. “Do you mind joining me, lady???”

Eva fell on Wagner’s legs pleading for mercy. Wagner never seemed to bother the young woman’s plea. While she was begging, Wagner pulled the trigger, showering Benny with bullets. She watched her husband’s lifeless body, with blood gushing out from every bullet hole.

“oops... He’s gone” Wagner laughed, soon every soldier joined him in appreciating his sadistic behavior. “My deepest condolences for your losses”.

The soldiers came behind her, leaving no place to move with their MG-42’s pointing at her. She was stepping back, as Wagner came towards her. “I m no demon to fear, I m your master to teach you tricks; tricks that can appease you” said Wagner with a half smile.

Wagner brought his arms to Eva’s shoulders, slowly untying the knot of her dress. Until then she was a mute spectator watching all the blood and gory. She spat on Wagner, surprising all men. Wagner was shocked to find himself insulted by a Jewish woman. The soldier behind her slapped her face, throwing herself down.

Wagner came rushing towards the soldier who had assaulted her, “Officer, she is mine. I need to teach her some manners and she has to understand, what happens if a Jew spits on Fuherer’s men. Does it make sense, my young fellow?”

The soldier mumbled, “Yes Sir!!! Hail Hitler “

“Now arrest her and deport to Dachau Camp.” said Wagner, still couldn’t believe the fact that, the embarrassment he faced among his sub ordinates.  

Eva was motionless, watching the corpse of Benny, while the soldiers set ablaze the clothes that was lying in the floor. The flames were consuming the blood soaked sheets in which Benny’s corpse lay. “Nice time to enjoy the warmth in this bitter cold” laughed mockingly Wagner. 

                                                                              Journey to Dachau

                The Truck was barely covered with a tarpaulin, which seemed to dance to the tunes of severe cold winds blowing across the mountains. The tires crushed the twigs covered in early snow and followed the marks of the trucks to reach its destination. A German soldier was busy smoking his cigar behind the wheel of the truck. He was accompanied by another one, sleeping through most of the journey. The truck had mostly Jews, political prisoners and homosexuals.

                Eva sat with her knees close to her chest, arms hugging it, to soothe her body from cold. The loss of her husband was a shock and the manner in which it was staged felt her numb. The grief and anger remained inseparable, while her physical condition left her helpless. A young boy dressed in black robes looked pathetic for his age and was sobbing. The sickening surrounding forced him to empty his guts wetting the dress of Eva The pungent odor and nausea stuck Eva, making her dizzy. There was hardly any space to move around, she could feel the breath of other women in her back.

                The truck entered the massive camp, whose perimeter had been fenced with barb wires to a height of 40ft. Two queues were formed, one for women and children and the other one for men. Storm Leader, Wagner was sitting near the Nazi doctor, who was busy making notes on paper. The Doctor was a short bald man, with wrinkles near his eyes and rimmed glass for his sunken eyes. The medical examination began with the men’s queue, the doctor wrote the name followed by a number. Each prisoner will soon have the number tattooed and addressed by the same.

                After an hour’s wait, fit and unhealthy guys were separated. Eva stood in the women’s queue, with grief and agony tearing her apart. She wondered if she happened to pass the test, she ought to work in camps till her end. The sight of Wagner brought more chills; it was like choosing between two devils. Her queue started moving in a bright pace, she was surprised. Their queue was made to move to a different place without any medical examination.

                Eva was relieved temporarily, to avoid Wagner. While she crossed Storm leader, she found him staring her between his occasional sips of brandy. She never saw or understood what Wagner was whispering to the Nazi Doctor.

The queue then started moving towards a shallow pit, whose periphery was covered in black soot. The horror struck them; when they came close to reveal the exact details of the black soot. The pit was dumped with human hair which appeared to be black soot. Women started to weep visualizing the things that are likely to occur. The children joined their mothers in crying, without the slightest knowledge. Eva watched in horror when a German soldier shot a woman who refused to shave her hair. Within an hour, everyone was shaved and tattooed with specific numbers. Eva looked at her new identity that was imprinted in her left arm above her elbow, no 8. 

                                                                   Endless Night

                Eva was lying down, with her face touching the cold floor. Her eye lashes moved, when a squeaking noise came imposing. A rodent was buzzing near her cuts in her elbow. The door to the cell opened, allowing a rush of cold air to enter. With all her might she adjusted her vision, to make out the silhouette of the figure standing at the entrance. The thin figure was removing its gloves, while slowly walking in. When she saw Wagner, Benny’s death struck her like a storm.

                “Well, Good Morning young lady! How is our hospitality? Hope you enjoy the little companions!!! Guard” shouted Wagner.

             The German soldier came running with a chair for Wagner, and stood in the corner with his MG-42.

“Our last meeting wasn’t good lady. Oh! I m sorry you have a new tag to be addressed right now. No.8 !!! “ laughed Wagner, with the sound echoing in the small space. Eva was staring at the rodent that was moving in a bizarre way.

                “ I should ve stuck to my Fuherer’s words, Women needs to be confined in kitchen and be treated as child bearing machines,. “ I know you wouldn’t have much time to sleep yesterday; this is your first sleepless night here. There are many more nights to follow this. “ said Wagner with a half smile.

                Eva never uttered a word with her eyes closed; she balled both her fists, bringing her legs together like a fetus in a womb. The silence made Wagner lose his temper. He rose from the chair and started to leave.

                “Don’t let her close her eyes again. If you fail, I ll castrate you .Do I make myself clear??” barked Wagner.

                “Yes Sir!!! Hail Hitler “ shouted the soldier.

With every sleepless night that passed, Eva’s stubbornness got abated. The depression and anxiety was consuming her, moving inside the cell like a mad dog. When she tried to bring down her eyes, the soldier would kick in her stomach, making her coil like serpent. It was after the fifth successive night, she began shouting with increased hyper activity. She made bizarre actions and finally fell down. After several kicks she didn’t move.  

                Wagner instructed the soldier to transfer Eva to women’s camp the very same day. Two Jewish prisoners held her in a stretcher, which was more of a thick steel plate with rusted edges. Eva didn’t know that she was experiencing her sleep after several days of insomnia. No fellow prisoner came near her, fearing the punishment they would face. She lay like a dead meat with her chest moving up and down to prove her existence.

                                                                          A New Bond

                The camp’s wall had dark patches with spongy appearance. The damp and moist conditions prevailing inside nurtured fungi. The women and children hardly remembered when they had their last meal, except for a few pieces of stale bread after a big fight among them. The boy in black robes sat near Eva, watching her staring at a small pebble.

“What’s your name?? “ asked the boy.

 “ Eva.. Eva Benny” said Eva, without realizing Benny is no more. She started to cry silently.

“ why are you crying?? Is your mommy dead? “ said the boy.

“No. it was my husband, they killed my husband. Where’s your mother?”  Said Eva, controlling her tears.

“I never knew my parents. Born and raised in the street s of Berlin. “ said the boy.

“What’s your name?” asked Eva.

“ I don’t know. Some call me Paul, the old hag near the town used to call me Alfred. You can call me as you like” said the boy with a sheepish smile.

“Aren’t you well, Alfred? You puked on me, when we came here. What happened?” asked Eva.

“It must be the porridge. Many told me not to have it, because of the dead rodent floating in it. I couldn’t bear my hunger, so I drank.” Said Alfred.

“Holy mother! Never do that again, Alfred”  said Eva, closing her mouth with her palms.

“Yesterday the soldiers shoved you inside, did they hurt you? I tried to wake you, but you never moved” said Alfred.

“They hate us… we’re Jews!!!”  whispered Eva.

“ Are they bad??? You sound nice and kind. Then why they fight us?” asked Alfred.

“ If I knew the answer, probably I could have saved Benny” said Eva.

                The shrill sound of the siren reverberated the walls of the camp. The time for the guards to swap their positions and also the prisoners in the camp to stop their chit chat. A lone soldier would move across the camp, to look for prisoners who loved a bit of talk and play. Before the sound of siren could dampen, the prisoners were ready to lie down in cold concrete floors.

“Shall I sleep near you? “ asked Alfred with his eyes so desperate.

“Yes dear!” said Eva, with a small smile that hung in her lips after a long time. Eva slept in peace with Alfred’s arms around her.

                                                                           The Night Ends

Most of the time, Eva was assigned the job of dragging out corpses from the gas chamber to the pits for burial. She thought she was lucky to survive so long and wondered what made them to keep her alive. Women and children were used for experiments conducted by Nazi doctors for their new inventions. As feared, the Germans have planned to Zyklon pellets in their military combat. Naked women and children were ushered into a large room that housed fake shower heads on the walls. When the doors shut, a Nazi would pour Zyklon-B pellets into an opening (in the roof or through a window) which would turn into poison gas once it contacts air.

The gas killed them slowly while they were battling for a pocket of air to breathe. Alfred spent most of the time in pushing the bodies to the pit. Alfred loved to play pebbles with Eva, trying to muster life into her. She giggled rarely, whenever Alfred tried to do some slap stick comedies. They shared a bond, just like the one between a mother and a child.

With days getting shorter during winter, this lasted very little. Alfred wandered in his torn boots, in shallow pits collecting pebbles. His loitering was disturbed by a soft moan. The sound that escaped from the lonely cell, that stood rooted across the pit. He slipped the pebbles in his trousers and ran towards the abandoned cell. As he came closer, the moaning grew intense. Beads of perspiration lined on his forehead despite the bitter cold. The fingers became numb while trying to hold his nerve.

He peeped in, with his fingers holding the edges of the wooden frame of the cell. Wagner lay top on Eva, with her dress torn apart exposing her privates’. Her arms were fastened to the wooden logs piled inside the cell. Wagner lay half naked with his trousers and holster housing his Walther lying side by side. With each thrust, she groaned in pain. The sight of Eva’s suffering at the hands of a beast brought fear and guilt in Alfred. Wagner lost himself in the physical pleasure without realizing the presence of Alfred.

Horror struck Eva when she found Alfred holding Wagner’s Walther in his trembling hands. Eva shouted “No!” to stop Alfred from marching towards this unmatched duel. Wagner was caught in a whirl surprise to see the little punk holding his gun.

“You little devil, that’s not a toy! I don’t see find any courage left in you! Drop the bloody gun, you bastard!!!” barked Wagner. Before Wagner opened his mouth, a loud ringing sound escaped from the Walther, splashing blood and pieces of Wagner’s brain on Eva’s face. Eva sat dumbstruck watching Alfred ‘s body shaking in panic. She knew guards will be soon all over the place, leaving no place to escape. Eva pulled Alfred to her, placed his head in her bosom and cried silently.

“No matter what happens, don’t move away from me” mumbled Eva. Alfred nodded in approval. “Let me tell you a story, which has no pain and agony,……..”. Eva’s story slowly echoed in the graves of the children, while the soldiers came marching in.

Epilogue:

         I express my sincere gratitude to all readers (if there are any) for spending some time to read my third story (quite a big one!). It’s been a great journey all this November, while I penned this one. The above story is a fictional one, but the places and events of Kristallnacht are factual. Kristallnacht refers to the wave of violent anti-Jewish pogroms which took place on November 9 and 10, 1938, throughout Germany. Maximum efforts were put in to record the actual details of the concentration camps in Germany. I hope some justice was done in bringing you the events of World War II. This story will be my tribute to the thousands of Jews who were slaughtered in one man’s barbaric ritual. 

Courtesy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniforms_and_insignia_of_the_Schutzstaffel

http://www.jewishgen.org/forgottenCamps/Camps/FlossenburgEng.html

http://library.thinkquest.org/CR0210520/concentration_camps.htm

http://history1900s.about.com/od/holocaust/a/auschwitz.htm

 and many others who have been helpful in drafting this .

                 

Red Herring

Prologue:

26, December 2011                        WOMAN COMMITS SUICIDE

Gayathri, 26, a software engineer committed suicide after her fiancé refused to marry her. Gayathri, who was working in reputed IT firm, got engaged a fortnight ago. It was learnt that couple of days back, the groom and his parents expressed their displeasure in marriage. Gayathri felt shattered and pushed to walls.  Gayathri was sobre for a couple of days, after stepping into this. She was found hanging in her bedroom by the maid servant. Police are investigating, if there could be any foul play.

The above paragraph is just a news article reported by special correspondent for a newspaper. Often media tend to underplay or exaggerate things, but never bring us the true picture. If you want to read news, you are done for the day. If not, I can assure you, there’ll be no twists like a thriller or smooches of vampire sagas. The following is more or less documented to avoid fiction and augment details of real characters and places. Lets rush back to find out, what made Gayathri to make such a decision

A Fortnight ago .....

12, December 2011                                                                                                               15:24 hrs

At one touch of her index finger, the coke vending machine sprang alive, ejecting a diet coke. Half eaten burger in one hand and a coke fastened to her right, Pooja was walking with authority and style in a large hall. Pooja was dressed in black suit with traditional notched collar jacket and a straight skirt. The white blouse with a button down was letting some air and eyes of men preying around. Before reaching her cubicle, she was greeted by her colleague, Gayathri with a peck on her cheek.

Gayathri is a charming girl, seemingly attractive and bubbly. She is a senior programmer analyst and has been working in CRISCO solutions for more than 4 years. Pooja and Gayathri were like two poles, but still both shared a common thread of innocence and cubicle.

Pooja:  so how did it go girl???

Gayathri: pick the spot for treat...

Pooja:  Lucky bitch... Did he say ‘yes’?? OMG!! You got engaged!!! Can’t believe (screaming and laughing at the same time)

Gayathri: ssshhhhh.. Keep it down… my papa confirmed jus now..

Pooja:  that’s bloody awesome… did he ring you??

Gayathri:  yaruu ?? (With a mischievous smile across her face)

Pooja: ur man?? Your Cinderella man perhaps???

Gayathri:  Nah... But he might buzz me soon.

Pooja: ooohh (with her lips joined to form an ‘O’) . Hey!! Arjun has planned for a team out tonight… I m all excited, dance floors and strobe lights.. Can’t wait

Gayathri:  stop the crap yar... Anyways.. Enjoy girl...

Pooja: what the fuck??? Aren’t you coming...  this could be your ticket to US… turning down the offer from Arjun, doesn’t look good... yar...

Gayathri: c’mmon... I m fucking engaged... I gotta stop myself from late night parties and vodhkas!!!

Pooja : ohh yuck.. You’re sounding like my nanny...  One last time girl...  Please dumboo... Please... Please...  I have been craving for this freak out... Please please...

Gayathri : get your ass cooked up by 8.. I’ll pick you...

Pooja: Luv u gal... (She blew a kiss, without disturbing her lip gloss)

12,December 2011                                                                                                       19:48 hrs

Gayathri wore her cocktail dress, a black silk with a short pleated skirt, which swung when she moved. The mood was quite elated, after her fiancé texted her. It was after 8, when her car pulled in front of Pooja’s home. She could see Pooja dressed in a strapless gown whose skin glowed with a creamy texture and her curly brown hair bounced beneath her earrings. With Taylor swift’s voice from the cars stereo, both of them cruised to their team outing.

Maroon draped lounge bar was welcoming the guests and a roof top pool was marking a great evening for their freaking night. Two hefty guys dressed in black were identifying the passes that came at a 4 digit price. This is a normal sighting one wouldn’t miss in pubs.

Arjun with his recently bought Tissot watch, he was all smiles, welcoming his team mates. He couldn’t suppress his excitement, when he saw both Gayathri and Pooja stepping in cautiously

Arjun: Welcome girls!!! Yeah Pooja !! You look gorgeous!!!

Pooja: ( with fingers covering her mouth) ohh !! Thanks Arjun ! You too look hot!!  Is that a new one??? (Eyeing his new phone)

Arjun: oh no!! Just a month back I got it from US, during my last project. There’s a new project down the pipeline, I hope you could make it yarr..

Pooja: Oh really!!!

Arjun: But it’s all in your hands Pooja!!  Your performance matters!!! Pooja: I’ll make you happy, Arjun. 

While leaving, Arjun hugged Pooja, carefully slipping a paper in her arms. Gayathri was surprised, when she saw Pooja punching the air with her fist.

Gayathri:  hey girl!! Wat happened??

Pooja: did you see this?? The note he slipped in my hands??  He has asked me to meet him at the parking by 10... I just can’t believe it... Finally I’ m in for the US project.

Gayathri : So . This time it’s you, who is ready to share your bed with him

.

Pooja:  hey!! It’s no big deal.. My destiny is waiting. Let me tell you something, Sex is a desire for a man, but an appetite for a woman.

                Soon both ladies moved to their bar stools, ordering vodka and sandwiches. Occasional giggles and heavy blast of music never seem to abate their ecstasy. Before they could realize, their body was taking in more alcohol. Pooja was waiting for the clocks to strike ten, but Gayathri felt that she had to leave alone. So she decided to wrap up things for the evening.

Gayathri : Its 9.30 yar.. I’m leaving.  Have fun. Don’t forget to text me tonight’s episode, tomorrow... Bye girl... Luv ya...

Pooja: Idiot!!! luv u Gayuu !!! 

12,December 2011                                                                                                        21.47 hrs

Gayathri was under the influence of vodka, making her unable to walk properly. She quickly went to the restroom and splashed cold water at her face. She was trying to focus on her reflection on the mirror in front of her, but with little success, she came out to the parking. The attendant brought her car; she dropped 50 bucks as a tip and slipped inside the car.

She was cruising at 80 km/hr, once she steeped on the accelerator, leaving behind the party and heavy metal band. With every mile stone passing by, vodka took her close to her fiancé. Her mind was dancing to the foot stomping music, she giggled, masking her embarrassment.  It all happened in one moment; where she saw eternity and jaws of death. In the process of evading a trailer, she made a 45 degree turn towards her left. The car collided on a marked stationary vehicle, fortunately her air bags opened.  Trauma and panic made her faint on the air bags, perhaps she didn’t know, that she had rammed a highway police patrol car.

A 35 year old police constable Deivasigamani , came running after the horrible accident followed by two more constables. Deivasigamani pulled out his walkie-talkie, to transmit the accident to the nearby beat station.

 Deivasigamani: Head PC (police constable) calling from ECR highway near VGP beach. Reporting accident …

Beat station: Sollunga Deivasigamani !!! (yup.. we can hear you Deivasigamani)

Head PC: Head on collision Sir .. namma vandila. Namma alunga safe, tea sapada pona gap la nadathuruku ( they rammed in our vehicle, when we took a break for tea, no injuries on our side)

Beat Station: Driver irukana??? (Is the driver alive???)

Head PC: Ponnu otiruku!!! Drunken driving pola!!! Light ah than adi sir!! Software company vela seidu pola, ID card parthen !! (It’s a girl who has driven the car; moreover she is drunk I presume!! Only slight bruises, ID done Sir)

Beat Station:   Serupala ivalugala adikanum !!! 108 inform panni, GH la oru certificate vangiru!! FIR file panirunga ( Call the ambulance and get a certificate for drunken driving from GH. Don’t forget to file FIR)

Head PC: seringa Sir!! (Okay Sir!!)

PS: The quote in red doesn't belong to me or Pooja but to Mr.Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Faith

Ramya's father, Ranganathan silently twisted the knob of her daughters room, squeaking sound of unused door is no more a nuisance to him or to his family anymore. The family had experienced a lot of trauma and anxiety they could ever have imagined. Ranagnathan couldn’t believe how this room once buzzed with joy is now greeting him with nightmares. There was a burst of Ramya s back pack, pink in shade and a smiling teddy bear in shades of maroon still in a blissful mood. The bed looks made with its purple covers still in perfect shape. 

       The blood stains still keep flashing across his mind, bringing a horrific episode of Ramya's suicide attempt to slit her veins of her arms. Ranganathan wondered what made a 18 yr old girl to take such a stand. The plethora of events that folded before him brought his world down. When Ramya s mom checked her daughter’s pocket, there were packets of white powder, illegally speaking cocaine or colloquially called coke. Her mother was shattered after seeing the needle marks all over her daughter’s arms. She was weeping and cursing all gods, claiming to be responsible for Ramya's state. 

 

Ramya’s fair complexion was punctured with red spots marking the number of times the needle has found entry in to this beautiful creature. Her nostrils were reddened because of the dope attack and her pupils dilated, which once were beaming with joy. Before Ranganathan could recover from this chilling incident he had more agony to testify. Many wouldn’t believe if he has to admit that his teenage daughter has broken her father’s arm with a golf club for not paying for her dope. He had to hear all the foul words and curse from the small lips, which once parted to say ‘papa’.

Ranganathan never believed in supreme powers, but now he has his head bowed in silent prayer. One could hear was a silent cry with tears running down his cheeks, asking God to help his 18 year-old daughter through withdrawal from her heroin addiction. Where did he fail?? He was a loving dad, taught her to draw and attended her choir classes. Or where was he short of??? How did it get messed up??

Heroin addicts aren’t high school students, they’re people who live on the streets and beg for change. Heroin addicts don’t have a 9 grade point average and apply for acceptance into the top colleges. According NIDA*, there s no single factor that can cause drug addiction, but we are an overall mixture of biological product greatly influenced by gender or ethnicity, his or her developmental stage, and the surrounding social environment (e.g., conditions at home, at school, and in the neighborhood).

Ramya was using coke for nearly 8 months, not always regularly, but in recent weeks her appetite for heroin increased and her dad discovered that his coin collection and jewelry were gone. Her allowance was generous, even by upper middle class standards, but once the addiction took over, it was insufficient to buy her the desired amount of the drug. She stole from her parents when her pocket money was just peanuts for 10 gm of coke. As she increased her usage, Ramya discovered that not having enough drugs was far worse than having the problem of addiction. Coming off heroin was difficult. 

What actually happens in our biological system is pretty complex, involving neuro transmitters such as dopamine. To speak in English, the chemicals found in heroine can fool the brain by producing messengers. They are similar to neuro transmitters which are normally produced by our brain. The result is a brain awash in neuro transmitters that control movement, emotion, motivation, and feelings of a pleasure. When this is prolonged, the brain adapts to the overwhelming surges in dopamine (neuro transmitter), thereby lesser ability to enjoy the drugs. So they naturally want to bring the dopamine back to normal, in other words more pleasure, resulting in higher intakes of drugs.

When they are devoid of drugs they become maniacs and ready to sacrifice anything for a single shot of heroine. Many teenage girls were found trading flesh, and there s no turning back. Stories of high school girls being preys of such gruesome acts lie unscathed.  This sinister is deeply wound in metro s and has started to creep in other cities too. Drug addiction is quite a complex disease and requires deeper appreciation about, how our brain works. Let me not get into treatment part, hoping that a deeper understanding is what required for most malicious entities. 

Ranganathan watches the alarm clock in Ramya s table ticking; soon he has to take Ramya to the rehabilitation program. The program where your behavior patterns are studied and therapies are tailor made. Ranganathan doesn’t have much to hinge upon, or expect miracles to occur. He has been pushed to walls, with Faith engulfing him, just like a ray at the end of the tunnel.

(Courtesy: National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA*) for the valuable scientific inputs.)